Greetings loyal reader! Paddy O’ checking in to bring you the requisite game day analysis and while I am here, perhaps I might even settle the newest family feud. You see, dear reader, I did not use the customary salutation of “MoFo” as there seems to be a great divide in the family regarding its usage. The Mother insists that it should be, in fact, “MoFa” (or even “FaMo”), while the venerable Rick O’ keeps telling me, “No, it’s ‘MoFo’, you mofo”. Well, in the interest of family unity and tranquility, I now propose that we use “MothFat” when referring to The Mother and The Father. There. Problem solved.
Also, patient and probably confused reader, I am sure that you noticed all the posts of late dealing with the most noble Platypodes. I would here like to publicly thank Rick O’ for having sent me a stuffed version on a very important milestone last week, namely,
my birthday the day I was released from DNR custody. Knowing Rick O’ as I do, I am sure he thought it a terrific joke, but unbeknownst to him, I believe that he may very well be on to something with the introduction of the Platypus onto these pages.
- The Platypus has no teeth, much like our offense.
- The Platypus is a bottom feeder, much like we are, waiting patiently for our first win.
- For most, the Platypus appears to suffer from a bit of an identity crisis, being a hodge-podge of beaver, duck, and otter parts. Very much like our Colts without Manning.
- The Platypus is most at home under water, just as we have been under water all season long.
- The Platypus is the only mammal that lays eggs. And we have been laying eggs the entire season.
- The only defense employed by the Platypus is a poisonous foot spike, just as our kicking game has been the only aspect of the game where we have consistently performed well.
- The Platypus could keep McAfee company the next time he goes swimming in a canal.
I think, dear reader, that you will agree with my thinking. The horseshoe/horse head is far too predictable and has, despite conventional belief, not brought us any sort of Luck (at least not until the draft). The Touchdown Monkey has come and gone. So I think it is time to introduce our new mascot and the case for the Platypus is very strong.
As most of this post has dealt with Platypodes, I think it only
easy logical to make them the topic of today’s game analysis.
Having no teeth, so being forced to scoop up mouthfuls of mud and gravel just to eat:
- Painter’s pick at the very beginning of the game.
- Lacey’s fair catch interference call.
- Too many stupid penalties. Again.
- Lack of 3rd down conversions are still killing us.
- Brayton’s hands to the face penalty, erasing the Mathis sack.
- Painter’s 3rd pick.
- Painter’s 4th pick.
- Jones-Drew’s TD celebration. It looked like he was searching for a lost contact lens.
- Being 0-10.
- Not converting on 3rd and 1, forcing the punt after the interception. Carter should have made the run, not Brown.
- Frenchy’s end around. It worked, but I hate those plays. We’ve been burned too many times in the past.
- Jags getting a face-mask penalty, negating the sack on Painter. But they’re getting way too much penetration.
- Letting Gabbert scramble for a first down.
- D running out of steam at the end of the 3rd.
- Jags getting an easy TD in the 3rd quarter. And the 4th.
- Painter’s 2nd pick. Wayne was double covered and there was no chance. Thankfully, overturned with Jags having too many men on the field.
- Powers getting the pick, giving us the ball back erasing the Painter’s interception and denying the Jag’s a score.
- Brown getting 21 yards after Powers’ pick.
- Good defensive stand at the end of the 1st.
- Painter’s 29 yard off balance pass to Tamme.
- Being 0-10. The “Upchuck for Luck” campaign continues.