Greetings Loyal Reader(s),
It is I, Paddy O’Furniture, showing up here for a bit of a post.
First, I agree with Rick O’s assessment that Bing sucks. When you search for WeAreIndy.com, we are not even the first search result. We are listed somewhere beneath “Indy - We are Hairy”. And no, I wasn’t quite brave enough to click the link. Some secrets are best left untold, methinks.
Second, in a recent post, Rick O’ threatened my retirement from blogging on these pages. I will refrain from noting that he spent the past season in semi-retirement.
Loyal and observant readers will have also noted that the Colts were not going to renew Dwight Freeney’s contract. And it seems like we won’t be the only ones missing his presence in Indy Town. Yes, the Colts added his picture outside of the Lucas Oil earlier today.
Man, was it fun to watch him play. So much so, I even bought his jersey during his second year, and no, it wasn’t from China. Okay, it was made in China, but it wasn’t ordered from there. We are nothing here at WeAreIndy.com if not
boring special needs hopelessly out of touch thorough.
But the guy had some real talent and always seemed to come up big when we needed it most. And we will miss him. So, to mangle a quote from Douglas Adams, “So Long, and Thanks For All The Sacks….”
Now as for Rick O’s suggestion that I somehow apply Freeny’s patented spin move into my every day life, I am happy to report that I have completed the list. Let it be known that I, Paddy O’Furniture, am not one to back down from a challenge. Here, then, are the results:
1. At the supermarket: I managed to knock over an entire rack of candy while at the same time knocking the wig off of a poor older lady who was standing innocently in line ahead of me. I quickly shouted “Get some!” before making a hasty exist before the police arrived.
2. At home with The Wife: This…did not go over well. Yes, I managed to sneak away her phone so that I might post awesome messages on her Facebook page. However, I failed to realize the level of tenacity contained within a a grumbly wife who had just woken up. Such was her level of displeasure, I was forced to perform multiple spin moves, back to back. This ended with me falling on the floor and nearly vomiting.
3. At the park with my dog: This was a complete disaster. Not only did The Dog pay no attention to me, the spin move did not save me from becoming ensnared in the leash. The neighbors, though, found it terrifically funny to watch.
4. At the bank or Wendy’s: I went for Wendy’s, since most of my banking is done online and it would have been silly to spin move my laptop. Well, I made a slight tactical error and applied the spin after I had placed my order. The result? My Junior Cheese Deluxe, “biggie” fries, and junior frosty all spun off my tray.
5. In the driveway, when it was snowing and I started to fall on the ice: I failed to achieve a proper Arabesque and my landing was more of a one point, namely, my backside. The resulting bruise, however, was quite impressive. Although in fairness, The Wife soon tired of my offers to show her. Repeatedly.
6. In the ‘hood’, when gangstas are looking to commit a crime: A bit of a mixed bag here. I was able to draw the 9mm okay, but the shots kept going wide. Not a very effective self defense position, I’m afraid.
7. At the airport, to get past TSA agents: This is NOT something I would recommend. The interrogation room is a terrifying place and for some reason they refused to believe my story that I was only spinning through the security line for the sake of a football blog. On the upside, I can rest comfortably at night knowing that my fingerprints now reside within any number of secret government databases. The complimentary ankle jewelry was a nice touch, too. Thanks, Obama.
8. In the kitchen, when making some awesome dish and dropping the hot cast iron pan on my foot: Rick O’ now owes me $250 for the emergency room co-pay.
9. While watching The Wire on television, using the spin move to get some exercise: It made it difficult to follow the story line and ended terribly when the remote for the DVD player went flying across the room.
10. Most importantly, using the spin move to get out of putting up another post: Seeing as how I am posting, I think this fails as well. Like most of the “jokes” here.
I would be remiss if I did not include a final shout out to yet another one of our former players. Jeff Saturday was in fact able to retire as an Indianapolis Colt.
Saturday is the kind of guy you can’t help but like. And I mean, come on…how often to people actually know the name of the center? Usually he is just a blob of a dude who shovels the ball to the “super star” quarterback. But Saturday helped redefine the role of the position and brought it a little bit of the spotlight.
I can’t fault him for playing his last season with Green Bay. The NFL, after all, is a business. I get that. But, his being able to sign a one day contract with Indy so he can retire under the horseshoe just seems, I don’t know, “right”.
And I would be gobsmacked if in the future we did not see #63 hanging in the Ring of Honor.